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"Claustrophobic" - 2018
"Claustrophobic" is the sophomore release; released October 13th, 2018. It is a concept album inspired by works of Alfred Hitchcock, H.P. Lovecraft, and Shawn Milke/Dennis Lee (Alesana). It follows the story of a man, and the after-events of killing his lover.
"aglæca"
The story starts with a man coming home. He finds his lover dead on the floor with a dark demonic silhouette towering over her dead body. Terrified, he runs around the house trying to seek refuge when finally he locks himself in his room. While cowering in fear, he hears what sound like a thousand voices pounding on the door, chanting "LET US IN". After swallowing his tears, and blacking out in rage, he musters the courage to confront the monster.
*aglæca - anglosaxon term for a monster or demon
Narration: I never knew that such evil existed. I always thought that the devil was a metaphor for profoundly immoral and malevolent happenings. And while many revelations seem to surface tonight, the one reality I can't seem to shake is my discovery of how much blood the human body can hold. . .
​
I hear the tear, from the penance of a knife
He drinks a crimson filter made from loss of life
I come home to find the one I adore, face down, lifeless on the floor
​
Please God, give me fortitude
For the courage I lack, will stab me right in the back
Lost love, give me solitude
I give you one last good-bye as death selfishly claims you
​
I fear I'm falling through the cracks of hell
and now in unison the voices start to yell: "LET US IN, LET US IN, LET US IN"
Bringing to surface every virtue and sin
Let my die, let me die, let me fucking die
Don't want to spend another second looking in his eye
​
You feeling lucky? Just watch what I'll do
Open this fucking door, and let me kill you
​
And now they're screaming . . .
"LET US IN, LET US IN, LET US IN"
Bringing to surface every virtue and sin
Let my die, let me die, let me fucking die
Don't want to spend another second looking in his eye
​
I sit and stare as they pound on the door
She's face down, lifeless on the floor
I fear I'm falling through the cracks of hell
and you're the only one I can tell
​
Cold shrieks, turn into humble cries
She speaks, unto the silent night
I'm feeling apathetic, I'm feeling death
I think that this will be the night you take your last breath
​
Open the door 'cause I'm ready to fight
Only one of us will survive this night
"Latent Perception"
As he musters the courage to confront the culprit of his lover's death, he kicks the door down. He blacks out and attacks it in a belligerent rage. However when he comes to, he realizes that his lover had never been dead. As he hallucinated that she was the monster, and is now dead by his hand.
The demon knocks, and he screams my name
"Open the door and meet your fate"
The wood breaks and my heart does, too
An evil presence passes through me
I'm losing all perception
I lost my fucking mind
I let the tears fall out and swallow what's left of my pride
​
-with a knife in my hand, my heart will be crossed-
​
With a knife in my hand, my heart will be crossed
An evil heretic will find his life lost
Your name on my wrist, I start to emboss
Always and forever, my love will be dossed
​
Fiend, you fiend
You took away from me
My love, my life, my pride, you took away my everything
Watch as now, you'll see the crimson flood
Let's see you laugh with a mouth full of blood
​
Laugh as you die, I'll laugh as you die
Your blood as it froths, it stings in my eye
I thrust and I thrust, but still you're not dead
I can't stop the madness that dwells in my head
​
With a knife in my hand, my heart will be crossed
An evil heretic will find his life lost
Your name on my wrist, I start to emboss
Always and forever, my love will be dossed
​
Revenge tastes just like deficiency
My perception, acts with latency
Who did I kill? Who did I kill?
Forgive myself? I never fucking will . . .
​
​
"Bereave"
Shocked at what he has done, he has to now face his lover and take responsibility for his hostilities. All he can do now is comfort her in the last few minutes of her life, as her death is now inevitable.
Narration: I see the moonlight hit her skin as if trying to shed light on morbidity. I pretend her eyes are fixated on me, but they are fixated on nothing. They are dull and lifeless just like the night itself. But why does it feel like I've lost you long ago? Why does it feel like this stagnant emotion has carried me, forever?
​
Her pupils getting wider by the second, are getting duller as the Reaper beckons her
She lets it in; one last breath
And holds it in; waiting for death
​
Try to ignore the pain
We'll never kiss again, we'll never kiss again
Trying to hide my shame, I tell her: "it's alright, it's just a bad night"
​
Choking as you start to cry
Let me look you in your eyes
Everything around me dies so darling rest your head
The blood, it stings my eyes
And so I watch you die
You deserve eternal peace but death, it comes in threes
​
First - my love, then - my pride, then - my fucking self
Try living life with your heart on a shelf
I've killed my love, and my pride, now I'll kill myself
I've murdered all the fucking love that I felt
​
-try to ignore the pain-
​
Try to ignore the pain
We'll never kiss again, we'll never kiss again
Trying to hide my shame, I tell her: "it's alright, it's just a bad night"
​
My love, my mind played tricks on me
My eyes, can't believe what they see
My love, my love don't make a sound
My eyes, they see you dead on the ground
​
Try to ignore the pain
We'll never kiss again, we'll never kiss again
Trying to hide my shame
I'll never see you again, 'cause I'm a very bad man
​
"Pale eyes"
Hours after his lover has passed away, he finally gathers himself and does not know what to do. He starts to become skeptic, and feels as though he is being watched by everybody. As a result he realizes that he has to hide her body. His eyes fixate towards her, but he sees what was once a beautiful woman has tuned into a dull, decomposing corpse of what was once host to a beautiful soul. He scurries to the basement to try and find a place to store her body.
God above's frowning down on me
As I try to hide her body where no one else can see
Down in the basement, where no one will know
But they can tell by the sorrow I show
Stitch a mother-fucking mask on my face
And rid myself from the setting where this all took place
My love's supposed to be with me forever
But I can't even remember all of the skin that I've severed
​
Pale eyes solemnly staring at me
Pale skin, turning green
Blood dried to the sides of her lips
Dependent lividity setting in on her hips
​
I can't live my life, with her's lost in the basement
I can't use my eyes, after what they've seen
​
"Turn around", what's that sound? Who is watching me?
I'll be protected by the devil watching over me
All the guilt setting in, with an empty brain
The lifelessness in her eyes will drive me insane
​
Hell below has a spot for me
For my kill, for my penance and my apathy
Heaven above will reject my plea
For forgiveness and sanity
​
"Turn around", what's that sound? Who is watching me?
I'll be protected by the devil watching over me
All the guilt setting in, with an empty brain
The lifelessness in her eyes, I want to feel her pain
​
It's really happening; here's your eternal bed
It's really happening; my love now rest your head
It's really happening; here's your eternal bed
It's really happening; forever fucking with my head
​
Narration: My knees become weak as I fall to the floor. My acquiescence of finally putting her body to rest, has left me in utter turmoil. Nobody is watching me, nobody is after me. The only two presences in this room is myself, and my guilt. What would have been three has exited the room hastily. Her soul has been disconnected from her body, much like my sanity. . .
"Sleep"
He has completely come to terms with his lover's death. While attempting to find a place to hide her body, he collapses to his knees. The body lying lifeless on the floor above him no longer hosts his beloved. He laments her passing, and thinks about how he would like to spend just one more night with her. He misses her presence.
Lie down with me one more time
I'm not okay, and I'm not fine
I miss the feel of your body on mine
I miss my hands running down your spine
Love has fooled me again
And this time it's far worse than its ever been
Four hours, feel like years
Red eyes, soaked in tears
With red eyes, I swallow my pride
I kiss you softly goodbye
Laid with you once, now I'll lay you to rest
The best I can in your bloody, white dress
I never pictured this in my head
I see the white, as it fades into red
I see you lying so I rest my head
Upon your body that's cold an dead
​
Too blind to see through what would happen next
Too distracted by the fix to understand the debt
Oh my God, I'm my own disaster
Breathing in, choking on the pain that I've studied in length
But I never thought I'd feel its sting
​
There's no hiding my sins
No vision to peace and death
There's no holding this in
Eternal regret
​
Laid with you once, now I'll lay you to rest
The best I can in your bloody, white dress
I never pictured this in my head
I see the white, as it fades into red
I see you lying so I rest my head
Upon your body that's cold an dead
​
My hands, they tremble as they wipe off the blood that has dried to the surface of your cold, white flesh
I want to close my eyes and put you to rest, but the guilt that's on my conscience is stained all over your dress
Withdraw my misery from all the pain and sorrow all of this is causing me
I won't forget you
​
I loved you once, and I love you still
I always have, and I always will
Laid with you once, now I'll rest my head
Upon the surface of where you have bled
I loved you once, and I love you still
I always have, and I always will
Laid with you once, now I'll rest my head
Upon your body that's cold and dead
​
Laid with you once, now I'll lay you to rest
The best I can in your bloody, white dress
I never pictured this in my head
I see the white, as it fades into red
I see you lying so I rest my head
Upon your body that's cold an dead
"White Lady"
After he finally finds a place to store her body, he makes his way back upstairs to gather her corpse. However she is not laying before him. She is standing; and its an unfamiliar presence. She has turned into a White Lady spirit. He trembles at the site of her, as she taunts him for his unforgivable actions.
It was a dark, cold night when I saw her face
I swear to God, I thought she'd left this place
She had a death-wish from the moment she was born
But I see her right in front of me and now I'm torn
​
She's not like I remember at all
The way she carries herself; I've never felt so small
I notice now she starts to sway left to right
Just like the way she left the fucking world that night
​
What am I supposed to do, when I see a ghost in front of me?
I guess its true, that I'm just fucked up in the head
'Cause I see in front of me, someone that's supposed to be dead
​
I see in front of me, somebody that's supposed to be dead
​
Then I fell the cold in my head, as it suffocates
Peripherals are blurred, and my pupils dilate
My lungs constricted, and my knees are weak
I feel a morbid presence as it touches my cheek
​
White Lady, please spare me
Let the light in my eyes leave swiftly
Oh spirit, I feel it
For the love of fucking God, release it
Feel something, feel something
I try to scream but instead, there's nothing
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I have to let you go
"Don't Look Down"
The spirit introduces itself as his lover. She convinces him that she is his lover, and that they are still able to be together, forever. All he has to do is end his own life, and they can be together. He agrees, and decides to jump off tallest structure nearby: Danvers Lunatic Asylum. He reaches the top by scaling the side, and stands on the ledge. Right as he is about to step off of the ledge, he snaps out from another episode where he has blacked out.
Do you believe in love that has died?
She beckons me, but what do I find?
​
"Jump my love, I swear that you'll fly, meet me at the top of the sky
Jump my darling, don't look down; you're a long way from the ground"
​
What am I waiting for?
One more step off this ledge, and I'm closer to you
What am I thinking for?
Every second on this ledge is a second without you
​
One step closer to sanity
One death closer to empathy
One jump closer, so no one catch me
One decision closer to altruistic demise
​
I'm going to jump for the reason above
To be with the one that I love
​
Narration: Altitude overwhelms me, as solitude and euphoria fill what's left of my heart. My eyes set out on the horizon, but my ears are set out on obeying the beckoning of the beguiling voice ringing inside of my ears. It rings until I cannot feel fear anymore.
-JUMP MY LOVE-
"Jump my love, it'll all be over with one more step. No more pain, no more agony. No more living the immense guilt that you have inflicted upon yourself. Jump my love, I swear that you'll die."
​
Jump my love, I swear that you'll fly
Meet me at the top of the sky
Right before I fall from the edge
They pull me back from the ledge.
"Claustrophobic"
After coming to from another black out. He finds himself in a completely unfamiliar place. He is dressed in all white, and he sees what seems to be nurses rushing towards him. They forcefully grab him and put him into a restraint chair. He struggles and screams and tries to break free but it is no use. As he struggles more and more doctors fill the room, all the while the voices inside of his head return, taunting him for his terrible actions. While enclosed in his small cell; nurses infiltrating, as well as the voices inside of his head, he feels claustrophobic.
Chin to my knees
Wrists interlocked
I’m rocking back and forth
I’m trapped in my thoughts
They hit me
Just like the cognizance
Of how I killed my lover
And I have no defense
Chin to my knees
Wrists interlocked
I’m rocking back and forth
I’m trapped in my thoughts
Lurking like a venomous snake
They grasp onto my throat
Somehow with bloodshot eyes
I feel like I’ve been left afloat
So someone fix me
Make me new with clay and mud
Anti-tremor medication
Surging through my blood
Claustrophobic
I am so sick
I have manic
Depressive symptoms of a
Schizophrenic
Need a medic
I’m emphatic
Of how I need to rid this memory from my head
Claustrophobic
I am so sick
I have manic
Depressive symptoms of a
Schizophrenic
Need a medic
I’m emphatic
Of how I need to rid this memory from my head
The pain and the hatred
Will always be something I
Remember forever
And ever and after
Everybody’s screaming
They're sounding the alarms
They take away sharp objects
So I can’t cut my arms
They tell me that I’m impulsive
'Cause I'm a fucking mess
I shut my eyes and picture her body in that bloody dress
Are you okay?
What do you say?
Thank you doctor for the pills that you gave me today
Voices like the walls
In my head, in the halls
The doctors and delusions
I can’t even think at all
The pain and the hatred
Will always be something I. . .
The pain and the hatred
Will always be something I
Remember forever
And ever and after
Voices like the walls
In my head, in the halls
The doctors and delusions
I can’t even think at all
They’re closing in on me now
And I can’t breath
I want to be alone
But they’ll never, ever leave
Voices like the walls
In my head, in the halls
The doctors and delusions
I can’t even think at all
They’re closing in on me now
And I can’t fucking breath
I want to be alone
But they’ll never, ever leave
"Dissociative"
When the nurses finally leave. He finds himself sitting alone in the cell. After a short while a man walks in, introducing himself as the Chief Psychologist at Danvers Lunatic Asylum. He asks him if he knows why he is there. Confused, he responds that he does not. The psychologist explains to him that he has been in the asylum for two years for killing his mother. It was explained to him that he has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and that he delusively associates his mother with his "lover". At times he has outbreaks where he even thinks that he is his mother.
Free me from the dark in my head
'Cause it's preventing me from seeing red
I can't tell who I am anymore
Somebody tell me 'cause I'm not so sure
​
Emptiness is the victim of pain
Killing me loudly like the sorrow and pain
I'm feeling darkness, I'm feeling death
I taste the blood from our last kiss on my breath
​
Was it the pain in my eyes that lead me to this misery?
Was it the look of your death from your head down to your feet?
Or was it something I did, that made me regret the life that I've lived?
And tell me please, do you hate me too? Do you hate me for the things that I do?
​
I see a face in the distance, of who I'm trying to be
It was the lust of a vixen that took control over me
And now I feel all the blackness, it washes all over me
See the light in the darkness, of who I'm not supposed to be
​
Thank you mother, for the pain that you've inflicted
For hiding all my sanity, and making me a victim
I've tried it all before, but it doesn't seem to help
The fact that I'm alone makes me hate my fucking self
​
I see a face in the distance, of who I'm trying to be
It was the lust of a vixen that took control over me
And now I feel all the blackness, it washes all over me
See the light in the darkness, of who I'm not supposed to . . .
​
How could she let me bear this fucking disease?
How could she be so suffocating?
I feel her presence, it lingers within
It dwells inside me, closer than I've ever been
​
Narration: My mind cannot even begin to fathom the abhorrent information that was disclosed this dreadful night. My lover is not my lover, and therefore I am not myself. My sanity is elsewhere. My hope is failing, and the trust of my own kin is non-existent. Why I was not debriefed on this deception is beyond my wildest imagination. I throw myself to the mercy of fate. Live or die . . . it is no longer my choice.
"Mother"
When the information is disclosed to him, he asks the psychiatrist for a moment to collect himself. During this time he reflects on his anger towards his mother. Her acquiescence of getting him the help that he needs has left her lifeless, and him completely alone. When the psychiatrist returns he asks to be lobotomized, as he no longer wants to feel anything; the pain is unbearable. He denies his request, as he is still treatable, and not believed to be enough of a threat to himself or others. He believes the doctor is naive, and it reminds him of his mother, not accepting his issues, and not willing to do what is necessary to make sure nobody else is hurt. He becomes angry and hostile towards the psychiatrist, to the point where nurses have to come in to now additionally restrain his head, so that he has the inability to move a muscle. They inject him with a tranquilizer to put him to sleep.
Forsaken, I'm broken
My desire to take away these demons in my mind
I'm calling for your name, but I can only catch a silhouette of your smile
​
I've told you many times before, I've always had the answers for the pain and suffering
The lies you told, the pain I'm in
I told you I would take you there, away from all your frights and fears
Forget your misery, but the seasons change so rapidly
​
I'm taking one last look
At your picture slowly fading in the fire
I'm staring, at your name but there's a silence that looms inside of me, at your grave
It's like I just forgot to breathe, it sucks the light right out of me
I've lost before, but not I'm sure; you aren't the girl I thought you were
Two years have passed, and all I see: your shadow always haunting me
Forget my misery, 'cause my feelings change so rapidly
​
I've contemplated this before
You took my hand and said no more
You took my eyes so I can't see
You filled my lungs so now I breathe
The dust and death beside your grave
As if it wasn't enough to save your life so many times . . .
​
I've contemplated this before
You took my hand and said no more
You took my eyes so I can't see
You filled my lungs so now I breathe
The dust and death beside your grave
As if it wasn't enough to save your life so many times
So you stabbed me in the back, and I had to watch you die
"Crux"
When he wakes up from being tranquilized he looks around but can't see anything. The room is completely black. He feels around and sees that he is still strapped in the chair. He remembers the last conversation he had with the psychiatrist where he denied his request to be lobotomized. He knows that something has to be done. He is a danger to others, and is clearly a danger to himself. However he does not have the courage to take his own life, the only possible way he can while be restrained: biting his tongue off and bleeding out. After a while of contemplating, he feels a cold breeze in the room. He takes a look around the room and doesn't see anything. But his sense of feeling a presence is so real that he believes it his mother in the cell with him. It gets closer and closer until it feels as though it is entering inside of him. He closes his eyes. And opens them. Same man, but different personality. He rests his tongue between his teeth as he hears the voice of his mother in his head, assuring him that he must clench his jaw shut to commit his final horrid act of taking his own life. Does he do it? Only time will tell
-to be continued . . .
I wake up and I'm sitting upon the edge of a chair with no light to shine
My eyes adjust to the darkness and feel for a sign
My arms are locked in close and I can't feel a thing
I clench my jaw 'til my face starts to sting
​
"Decisions, decisions, you've got one more to make . . . Just one more life for you to selfishly take . . ."
​
I'm just an empty host, watch as I fall
She's just a vixen, conning me to end it all
​
Take me, leave me out to dry
Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry
Heaven turn me into a thrall
Give me the courage to end it all
​
Time begins to haunt me as I focus on the depths of the click
The clock-hands wrap around my neck to show me all the pain I inflict
Please tell me if you lived, would you say that it's true?
Would you still love me as the mother, or the lover I once knew?
​
She's just too real to me
She's just a fucking dream
She rests inside of my mouth
and makes me bite my tongue
The blood comes rushing out
​
Draining, draining, the blood drains away
Dying, dying, I'm dying today
Finally, finally, I'm feeling alive
Devil, devil, I give you my life
​
Take me, leave me out to dry
Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry
Heaven turn me into a thrall
Give me the courage to end it all
​
Narration: Darkness overtakes the room. No sight, no sound, nobody. As I perspire I feel the cold chill of sweat slide down my body like a frozen blade. The room although enclosed, gains the presence of a frigid wind nearing me. It's grim, it's deathly, it's beautiful. My tongue rests between my teeth as I hesitate to lock my jaw shut. The frigid presence wraps around me like motherly apathy . . .
"Clench your jaw shut, it will all be over soon. No more pain, no more agony. No more living with the immense guilt that I have inflicted on you. Do it my son, I swear that you'll die. . ."
​
​
TO BE CONTINUED . . .
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